Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Piled High

My huge mountain of laundry looks about how I feel right now. A whole bunch of stuff that's mounting up with no time to deal with any of it. They are all clean. I just don't have time to fold and put them away. So they are getting wrinkled. I feel like my whole life is wrinkled right now.

I have lots of photo shoots coming up and several to edit, which is great. But I am starting to really feel the fatigue during this 7th month of pregnancy. Not to mention the feeling that my pelvis is grinding every time I move (a lovely new pregnancy symptom), which makes photo shoots a lot more difficult.

Which leads me to the freaked out feeling of being only 8 weeks away from having a baby. I don't know how I am going to manage anything with a toddler and a newborn, especially photo shoots. But I haven't even had a chance to think about that because I have been so focused on the delivery. With Eli I had every intervention short of a C-section, which eventually culminated in his shoulders getting stuck during delivery (called shoulder dystocia). Well apparently that's a huge deal, with some possible major complications including the baby having brain damage or dying if it happens again. So I have been reading and learning everything I can about natural childbirth, including taking some expensive, time-consuming Bradley childbirth classes in hopes of avoiding the interventions and hopefully another shoulder dystocia. I have been feeling good about it until my last doctor's visit, in which they said this baby is measuring big. I was just devastated. If this baby is measuring too big then I will have to have a C-section, since the risk goes up. I really wanted to try for a natural birth and now it seems thats not going to happen.

Amidst all this, Brian and I have been thinking about buying a home. We started looking at homes a few months ago, but all we can afford (using the word afford very liberally) are short sales and bank owned properties, which are such a long shot to get. Especially with the market right now. Just last week we saw a home the first day it was on the market, and it already had almost 10 offers on it! And it was a major fixer-upper! We just can't seem to compete, especially with our FHA loan, which is not as desireable as a regular loan or all cash offer like many investors are doing. We actually got an offer back on one of the properties, but it is a short sale so even though the owners accepted our offer - we still need to go through the long process of getting the lenders' approvals, which might not even happen. So we are still looking. And it's stressing me out at the thought of getting one of the houses because it is so much money and we would be VERY house poor for a while. What if something major happened or it is a money pit? And even if we get something - how are we going to get it ready and move in with this new baby coming?

And these are just the big things on my mind. I'm not ready for the baby to come - the nursery, the clothes or even a name! I am not keeping up on the house work - the dishes, the laundry, or even cooking dinner! Everytime something new comes up, all I can think is it's one more thing to deal with (making a gift for a shower, cooking a meal for a friend, or even our regular playdates). And then I feel guilty for not spending enough time and energy with Eli because I'm too busy and stressed with everything else. So today I let him play in the mountain of laundry, while I took pictures and tickled him. He loved it!

So here's to Eli, who reminds me to take a deep breath and enjoy this time because it's only going to get more busy once the baby comes. :p


Cope Family said...

Eli is getting so big, what a cutie. Give him a big hug and a kiss. Things will become fall into place once the baby comes. Eli will be your big helper.

Kyle, Kate, and Noah said...

Congratulations on your baby to come! Eli will love having a little play mate! Sounds like life is crazy and might get even crazier with baby #2! :) But like you said, at least you've got a little guy to help you enjoy the ride :) Good luck with the house and your next few weeks of pregnancy! Take care!

Sterling and Cori Anne said...

Oh Amber. I'm so sorry you are feeling so stressed out. I would love to see you this week. I just don't want to add to your stress. I love the adorable photos of Eli you took. Looks like he had fun in the laundry! And don't worry everything will work itself out.

dunlop family said...

you sweet sweet mommy!! i KNOW what you are going through! it seems too much at times!!! but seeing that this is a post from awhile back, and reading that you DID get into a home and have a BEAUTIFUL baby...i'm so happy for the place you are in NOW!! xoxoxoox it's funny how much i really like you and we have NEVER met!!!one day we will!